Inspired by Ashley Ford's 5 Things, I'll try to document 5 random things every Sunday. It seems like a good exercise and somehow forces me to write - even if it's not that good. I'm thinking this would be similar to that time I started jogging or that time I quit smoking.
1. My Macbook is broken. I'm still in my father's house so it will be quite awhile before I get it to a repairman, have it fixed, and be able to see its shiny screen again. I've learned my lesson though - that is to turn off the laptop every time I'm done using it [wow rocket science]. I usually just fold laptops because I'm so lazy to switch it off especially since most of the time I immediately feel the need to use it again. But not anymore. Lesson learned. I already miss its beautiful screen. Lastly I'm hoping I'll be able to retrieve my files because, surprise surprise, I got no backup whatsoever. Savvy.
2. I've found two new favorite writers - Heather Havrilesky and Meghan Daum. Let me first talk about Heather Havrilesky aka Ask Polly. I cannot begin to describe how I admire [okay obsession is actually more accurate word to describe my love for] her. Heather Havrilesky is an advice columnist originally for The Awl and now with NYMag's The Cut. Her advice columns have become my free therapy. Even the problems I don't really relate to, I still admire her wisdom and the way she articulates them. She's smart, funny, witty, incisive, compassionate, empowering - the girlfriend I've always wanted and the kind of woman wisdom I want to embody myself. I've compiled a number of my favorite snippets from her column, her blog, and other writings online. Unfortunately they're all stashed in my broken laptop so I'll just have to wait.
3. This brings me to one snippet I read just now. I realize one of the major reasons I love her writing so much is that it tackles my recent preoccupations in a way that's real, life-like and treats such problems as important while still recognizing that it's not the end-all be-all of a woman's existence. She doesn't trivialize the search for love instead she offers the exact, piercing truth of what it actually means to be a woman [or a human being] - warts, neediness, and all that crap. And she even manages to make life and people sound romantic amidst the curse words and rambling style. I love love love her.
It's not like that's the important part, though. The really important part comes now. Stop charming the shit out of men, and start showing them exactly who you are, from the start. Be honest. Use harsh terms to describe yourself, if you must. Don’t sleep with anyone who doesn't understand that all women can be difficult, all women need hand-holding at times, all women can seem needy here and there. Seeming needy occasionally doesn't brand you as the sort of woman who needs someone who can take care of her. When someone describes you that way, start saying, "So I'm the sort of woman who wants to be taken care of sometimes… let's see, you mean I'm the sort of woman who's actually a woman, not a man dressed up as a woman? You mean I'm the sort of woman who you've known for more than two weeks?"
And by the way, when you meet your guy? You won't feel like the sort of woman who needs someone who can take care of her anymore. You'll feel perfectly independent and confident and happy, and your guy will never describe you that way, in fact he'll marvel that anyone ever has described you that way at all.
Don't sleep with anyone who doesn't explain himself very clearly, using words. Don’t sleep with Bob Dylan or anyone who doesn't know who Bob Dylan is. That's not your match. Stop courting differences by showing off your smile and your jokes and your flair. Stop acting like someone who's fun, fun, fun.
Take yourself seriously. Walk outside and demand that the world see you as you are. Don't pretend. Don't hide. Don't act cheerful when you're not (unless you're at work, in which case, do). Don't act easier-going than you are. You'll be amazed at how relaxed you feel, leading with the truth, showing off your flaws instead of your strengths. Flaws are just as interesting as strengths, and anyone who doesn't see that isn't your kind of person. [source]
4. Meghan Daum. I don't know if this really ever happens to people but while I was reading Meghan Daum's essay collection entitled My Misspent Youth, I literally [I vow to stop using this word.] hugged my Kindle. Finally an author who has managed to articulate what it feels like to be a young adult in the modern world. The thing is her writing is not confessional but introspective - beautifully introspective. Although this book came out in 2001, Daum's essays are still relevant and on-point. The best thing is she's an incredible writer - one who strings together words that you've always wanted to articulate but never had the talent to put it so succinctly, so romantically, and so poignant-ly. Her words are everything and her thoughts, although at times obnoxious and self-absorbed, speak the truth. I was laughing not because it was funny but because what she has written is sooo true. My favorite is the opening essay entitled On the Fringes of the Physical World - Daum's account of online dating and how our virtual expectations are often crushed by the real thing, written in a literary voice that could easily pass-up as an excellent short story.
5. And last but not least, I'm obsessed with Lea Thau's Love Hurts series from her Strangers podcast. It's one of the most entertaining podcasts I've ever chanced upon. The most noteworthy thing about Thau's podcast is the unapologetic honesty she brings to this series. She opens up about her dating struggles as a single mother who's in her 40s. Even if you aren't single, Love Hurts is incredibly relatable. Have you ever wondered why it didn't work out with some people you dated? Have you ever questioned if there's something wrong with you that's why you haven't found love yet? Or are you wondering if love is still in your cards after all the wrong turns? People's need for love and connection is so universal. I laughed, cried, and cringed while listening to Thau and her listeners. It's sooooo refreshing to hear such honesty. Some may find it too personal. I don't. Cringe-inducing honesty is my cup of tea.
That's five noh? Alright. I'll be back next week.
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