thoughts on Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things

Last night I was supposed to sleep early. I wanted to hit the sack earlier because I've only had four hours of sleep the night before and I wanted an energized mind to focus on work the next day. However, the past few days all I really wanted to do was read the gazillion books in my Kindle. One of those books was Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things - a collection of letters from her famous advice column Dear Sugar published in The Rumpus. And boy was I hooked.

Strayed's voice in Dear Sugar is one that's compassionate but full of wisdom. The letters from her readers vary from existential questions to downright depressing real-life stuff. There's a lot of heartwrenching stories that makes me feel ashamed of my personal problems. It's the right amount of kick-in-the-ass reading I needed to get over myself. Some people do have real problems. And the best thing is, even those of us who are, more or less, simply self-absorbed, there are stories that hit you and make you realize you yourself have encountered that same dilemma, that same self doubt and Sugar's advice are like these soothing words that let you know there is always hope, your thoughts are not trivial, and everybody's fighting more or less the same battles. This book made me feel less alone.

Here are some of my favorites so far:

advice on new and old graduates alike:

"You don't have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don't have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don't have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don't have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts.

You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth. But that's all."

advice on women about being self-conscious about their bodies especially with regards to sex:

"I know as women we're constantly being scorched by the relentless porno/Hollywood beauty blowtorch, but in my real life I've found that the men worth fucking are far more good-natured about the female body in its varied forms than is generally acknowledged. 'Naked and smiling' is one male friend's only requirement for a lover. Perhaps it's because men are people with bodies full of fears and insecurities and shortcomings of their own. Find one of them. One who makes you think and laugh and come. Invite him into the tiny revolution in your beautiful new world." 

and this one's short and sweet but packs a punch for self-absorbed me.

"There are so many things to be tortured about, sweet pea. So many torturous things in this life. Don't let a man who doesn't love you be one of them."

REAL-FUCKING talk.

So the next morning I did what I usually do with most things I obsess - Google them to no end. I chanced upon Cheryl Strayed's interviews [1, 2, 3] and this article on Thought Catalog [quite surprised since I've given up on Thought Catalog]. To say that Cheryl Strayed is inspiring sounds like an understatement to me now. Just today, I feel the need to read all my college required readings, to set up a writing table and embrace my sucky writing, and to be compassionate, open, and relentless in achieving my goals. That's just me reading her interviews. Her novel Wild will be the next on my reading list that's for sure.

Cheryl Stayed's advice on writing:

“You have to surrender to your mediocrity, and just write. Because it’s hard, really hard, to write even a crappy book. But it’s better to write a book that kind of sucks rather than no book at all, as you wait around to magically become Faulkner.”

This applies not only to writing but mostly any creative work worth doing. And since we're on that subject I'll include George Saunders advice too [one that actually allowed me to pause and think about what exactly is my "natural mode"].

“You go up the mountain of your idol,” he explained, “but when you get to the top, you realize they’re already there, and that mountain is never going to belong to you. So, you go do your own thing and it’s more of a shit-pile than a mountain at first, but it’s yours. It’s your shit pile. And that’s not nothing.”

Saunders followed this up by encouraging us to think about our “natural modes” in order to infuse our writing with our own unique energy. For example, think about how you are when you’re hanging out drinking in a bar with your friends. Are you a naturally funny person? Then maybe it would be easier for you to write something humorous rather than trying to force yourself to pen some verbose, elitist, nihilistic manifesto because you think that’s more ‘legitimate’ for some reason. “You can’t run from who you are,” Saunders said. “Not your brain, not your inclinations, or your experience. So accept your shit – run toward it, use it.”