the crush that never goes away

"If you hang onto an unrequited crush for months or years, you start putting more and more importance on that (mostly imaginary) relationship. That relationship (that guy/gal) in your head becomes this huge thing, and you start thinking that no one else will ever be able to live up to how amazing that person is and how amazing you are together, even though you're not really together, which can make you feel like convincing this crush to love you is going to be your only shot at real love. So you hang around waiting for that person to change their mind and waste a lot of time with that waiting."

When something's bothering me, I instinctively find myself reading this popular (and sensible) forum. I won't say the name because it's embarrassing enough that I'm quoting a forum. Jesus Christ, Aika. And as I was reading this, I'm chucking all alone in my room. Chuckling at the truth that's staring right on my face. The truth hurts but - I gotta say - it's funny as hell too. Just the thought of pining after someone... ugh the horror. I can picture a girl sitting on a tree waiting for the apple to fall until it's ten years in and still no apple at all. Simply put, it's a waste of time.

But I can never get over the fact that these types of situations bring so much drama. And because of that, it's addicting. You'd like to hold on to that unrequited shit like it's going to save your life. Uhmm no! Every little thing you watch, every music you hear, every little quotation you read becomes about them. Dramarama is fun but after sometime, we just want the real thing. Thus, we need to open-up the field, shouldn't we?

I want to try to make sense of it all. How to get over someone who never gave a damn about you in the first place. How to stop writing about someone who would never even give a thought about you. The sad thing is I think unrequited infatuation is harder to get over with because nothing ever happened; thus it leaves you with so much imagination to pine about, to fantasize with, and to keep holding on. Buti pa yung naunsyaming relasyon alam mo agad wala na. Natuldukan eh!

It's just amazing how human emotions work. The more someone disregards you, the more you'd want them. But I have to say, it's so damn time to move on. I'm hopeful that when I finally take that third person stance, see the situation from the outside, I can finally see the truth and move on. It's a waste of time, beauty, and thought process when I could have spent it with someone who could potentially give a damn.