getting into a groove

Ohhhh yes!

Today I went for a jog around UP. I've taken a break for a few days because I was suffering from spells of dizziness and anxiety every time I walk. Anyway to cut the boring story short, I had a successful run tonight. When I say successful, I mean I got into that elusive groove, you know that groove where your breathing and your rhythm are in sync which means you keep going without much difficulty. It gives me a real high every time I'm able to achieve that "running groove."

I never had such difficulty running. Heck I could even run laps before when I was smoking a pack a day. Until almost two years ago when I first had my panic attack, everything has changed. Erase that, everything sucked. It's like I had to learn to walk again. The memory of that harrowing moment when my heart just couldn't stop racing has left such a dent in me. I had to overcome this recurring fear, sometimes with success, other times not.

My goal is to take it one day at a time. I started running again middle of last year after I quit smoking. There were continuous days when I ran 4 to 5 times a week. But it was disrupted in November and December due to travel and the holidays. Now I'm back to square one. Before, I had to overcome my fear of rapid heartbeats every time I run. Now, I have to get over this fear of passing out when I'm running. 

One of the weird things that has helped me is having a brand new playlist every time I run. I used to play the same set of songs over and over again, and somehow the monotony of it all has affected my mood. But when I've got a new set of songs to play, one where it's all tune, beat-based or songs which I barely know the lyrics to, I get pumped up and my mind feels so much more awake. So I have to strive to find new songs every two weeks or so. I began downloading whole albums. Last week it was Beyonce's Beyonce album. This week I'm loving Frank Ocean's and Lykke Li's albums. My forever staples are T-Pain and Feist. 

I really want to continue running at least three times a week with 2 laps each session. My goal is to run the entire academic oval (1.9 kilometers) without stopping. I had no problems with aerobic exercises before until my anxiety happened. I miss the old, not-anxious me. I've read somewhere that you just have to keep at it, start slow, and steadily increase your running minutes. I had the same approach with yoga so there shouldn't be any reason why I can't do this. Challenge accepted, anxiety bitch.