I'm back home for the holidays. It's raining like crazy in my hometown. This non-stop rain is kind of affecting my mood. It's gloomy and wet outside, way to match what I'm feeling tonight. Before I get to my so-called 2014 tralalala, I'd just like to acknowledge that I'm so fucking pissed the Boston Celtics traded Rajon Rondo to the Dallas Mavericks. This is completely out of topic but this news has really dampened what little Christmas spirit I had left. I'm doing breathing exercises as I write. But as I've said, I digress (big time).
On to more positive things, I'm quite content with what transpired this year. Actually I'm trying my best to understate what I truly feel about 2014 because I'm that kind of cuckoo person that feels suspect when something good happens. It's annoying. What I really want to say though is that 2014 was/is great. In contrast to what I had to power through the past couple of years (I'm looking at you 2010!), let's just say 2014 was the kickstart to better things I'd always hoped for, and I'm pretty confident it's only going to get better (well, at least, that's what I'm forcing myself to believe in).
1. I quit smoking. Though I still had a few digressions in between (all because of the next two things I'm about to list), I could say confidently though that I beat that evil voice inside my head saying I couldn't ever ever stop. That I'll probably die smoking. After writhing on the floor for the first few weeks (months) of quitting, I still can't believe that there are many many days now that I have not thought about cigarettes anymore. That in itself is one of my biggest achievements. Ever!
2. I finally broke my ridiculous asexual state (three fucking years of celibacy) to a gorgeous, gorgeous stranger. I'm in the process of writing a novel about this one night. I'm that kind of person. Still it's one of those things that I prayed for. Jesus heard me this time.
3. I traveled to Europe, particularly Paris and Amsterdam. I never thought in a million years I would be able to do it at 28. It was totally unexpected, incredibly exhilarating, and undeniably one of the best times of my life. Superlatives ba kamo?
All these things (and everything in between) involved a lot of self-centered realizations. There were a lot of self-introspection, relationship recalibration, and acceptance. I'm jogging regularly. I still have a long way to go weight-wise but I think it's very doable. I want to travel more. Just like the next person, my wanderlust has been ignited because of that Eurotrip. I had a taste of solo travel too which bolstered my confidence about travelling alone. I cannot do one-night shenanigan(s). I want a real relationship. I'm thankful for all these, all things considered. I want to do more in 2015.
Kataas sa akong comment wa na-publish! Anyways, I can relate to the kapraningan that if something so good happens, surely something bad will happen next. In other words, there's no way but down. Napraning ko ana last week but then I resolved the paranoia by thinking: If more good things happen to me, I will share it to people- friends, family, neighbors, strangers,etc. That way, I become a "vessel" of good karma. At least in my head, ganun. My wish for you (and moi) is that we get 80% LIFE despite the 20% paranoia. Healthy or not, feeling lucky or not, actually lucky or not, let's choose LIFE. We can't silence the anxiety but we can up the volume of life. Chika. Merry fucking Christmas. PS. Let's pa Feng Shui pagkita nato sa January. - from your partner in Paranoia
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