lana and I

I remember the first time I listened to Lana del Rey's music. It was a rainy day, and I was in the middle of the road waiting for a yellow cab... No. I was at home, checking Lulu's blog for the nth time, and finally giving in to Lulu's recommendation. She described Lana as the quintessential epitome of beauty. Somehow Lana just couldn't help but be beautiful. In my head, I was thinking "Okay, another hipster singer that hipsters are supposed to love. But hey I'm doing nothing right now so why the hell not." I mean most of us don't really bother clicking on music videos shared by our friends; unless they force you to listen to it. But let's just say, listening to Lana del Rey's music for the first time was perhaps one of the best things that ever happened to me. Judge me.

I'm one of those people who like to put underlying meanings to things that are, let's just say, meaningless. And this one's no exception. Lana del Rey is my favorite singer. Choosing between her and Tori Amos, for me, is like Sophie's choice minus the Nazis. (Don't we just like to exaggerate things?) It's like finding "the one" music-wise. I find myself smiling, dreaming, and crying to her music. I adore how she puts into words all the things I've been thinking and feeling about love, life, and womanhood. Womanhood? Yes, like Robinhood.

Now that I think about it, Video Games and Blue Jeans were all I listened to the first time this year when I tried to put myself out there again. I'm talking cryptic because I'm referring to something sooo cheesy. Video Games is the kind of music that puts me in a trance. It encapsulates the drama of loving and not being loved as much. Not that I've experienced something like that. It's just so real, so beautiful. "Swinging in the backyard, pull-up in your fast car, whistling my name. You open up a beer, say get over here, and play your video game. I'm in his favorite sundress, watching me get undressed, take your body downtown. I say your the bestest, lean in for a big kiss, put his favorite perfume on. Go play your video game." I'm in love with the imagery. I can picture each word, movement, and insinuation. Combined with the droning, Sinatra-esque tune, Video Games touches my very core. (I'm laughing while typing the word "core.") It's safe to say Lana del Rey makes desperation and longing sound cool.

I remember that February morning. I was all jitters. I was planning what to wear, what to say, and what to do for that night. I wanted to take a really long bath. I remember lighting up one of my candles thinking that would help ease my nerves. I turned-up the volume of my laptop with Lana's songs on the loop. The moment  the water from the shower hit my face, I was in the zone. My nervous energy made me realize I'm into the next chapter and it felt so damn good.

Now that I've had more happy days, I find it amazing that I still discover new feelings when I listen to Lana's music. There's this sense of the beautiful because her songs make me think of large, old-school discs lying in a quirky Paris apartment. Yeah it's a scene from Before Sunset. There's also a sense of hope with words like "Now my life is sweet like cinnamon." and "Spin me round kiss me in your chevrolet." I could go on and on and on. But at the end of the day, I just love cinnamon and chevrolet.