on romantic love

(word vomit ahead)

I just finished watching the movie entitled Timer, and it got me thinking about singledom, the concept of the one, and, my all time favorite topic (which I don't ever want to admit), love. The movie tackles the eternal dilemma of a single woman desperately wanting to meet "the one" because her biological clock is running out. However, there's a ridiculous twist to the story. A new technology has emerged in the field of romantic love. In this particular world, people can now wear a "timer", a device that calculates the length of time that you're going to meet your soulmate. It will tell you how long you have to wait to meet your life partner, and, the moment it runs out, the device will blink indicating your soulmate is already within the vicinity. A love alarm clock of sorts. The catch phrase goes something like this: "Take the guesswork out of romantic love." Why not? Ridiculous right? 

I cannot remember the specific scene, but somewhere along the movie, I found myself bawling like a baby. I feel like a big emotional wacko as my head began swimming in this pool of longing and nostalgia. Why are women wired this way? Do men also think about their soulmate? I pride myself for being a cynic. Yes, I love romantic comedies. But my god how I adore unhappy endings. I'm proud to say that I have cultivated the balance between what's real and what's fairytale. But have I really? This movie raised a lot of questions and affirmed some of the things I so want to repress. Okay, let's not use the word "repress", but, rather, things I want to forget. Forget? Really? Okay, I give up. Nothing will make this post sound cool.

Here goes the questions:

Do you believe in soulmates?

My first instinct would be a big "No." No, I don't believe in soulmates. But can I also say that I secretly wish it was true, like Santa or heaven or angels or after-life? With my present state of mind and my minimal experience with love, I don't think there's one specific person that the universe has set out for you. I believe in loving a number of people, cultivating a relationship, learning about "selves", and finally settling down with someone who finally shares the same goals as you. In my mind, this can happen at any point in your life. Everything is all about timing. And with this belief comes the realization that sometimes people often settle with the person who may not necessarily be the "love of their life" but the person available during the time people deemed themselves ready. 

Would you consider wearing the "timer"?

Yes, just for the heck of it. But I firmly believe that such a device is impossible, untrue, and totally bullshit. Okay, let's go with the hypothetical. What if the timer has achieved the "cellphone status". Everyone has a timer on their wrists. I find that so unromantic. It puts unnecessary pressure and takes away the thrill of spontaneity. Whatever happened to just letting go? I think this is what made me gooey inside. I suddenly remembered how beautiful it is to fall in love. Remember that particular time when all the big and small butterflies were squirming in your stomach? How at random moments of the day you find yourself smiling just because you knew there's someone out there who finds you irresistible? The first stages of love is a work of art in itself. And if I let myself believe in Adam Sandler's song, falling in love again and again during a long-term relationship is another thing of beauty. I miss this feeling terribly.

Is romantic love a lost cause?

I don't think so. Maybe I'm not a cynic after all, or maybe I have also mastered the sickening optimism of finding romantic love again. For the longest time, I have constantly fought against these thoughts. I don't want to sound desperate. I don't want to admit I'm looking for it. I don't want to say that maybe it's one of the most important things in the world. None of these are absolutely true. I would like to be one of those people who nonchalantly brush the idea of love and say the words "I'm too busy with my career", all in one breath and without batting a lash. No. I have come to terms with this longing. People are social animals. Regardless of your career and personal plans, for the love of God, we all want to have that special someone.

As of now, my preoccupations are quite selfish. If I'm not thinking philosophically about love, I think about how to build my own apartment, how to achive my ridiculous dreams, and how I can cultivate myself and my personal relationships. It's just that every so often, these things cross my mind, and somehow I die inside just thinking about the moment when my father kisses my forehead as he walks me down the aisle.