friday night

According to my horoscope February 16 was going to be a "great day." 

I already forced myself to forget his existence. I deleted his number and practiced saying "water under the bridge" over and over again. Late Thursday evening I got a text from him asking me out for drinks. Be careful for what you wish for started screaming back at me. From then on, the butterflies in my stomach were nothing short of overwhelming.

I haven't been out on a date for almost two years now. It didn't bother me that much except for the fact that I am actually missing intimacy. The hard thing was that I knew this was not even a date, it was more of a casual sex pre-date. Nevertheless, I was excited by the prospect of dressing-up and having a conversation with a total stranger. I miss and love this feeling.

Fast forward to the cafe, he was already waiting for me. A tall, lanky, good-looking stranger who smelled great. I wasn't too shabby either. The first lesson I learned about dressing-up for first meetings is to wear something you absolutely feel beautiful in. Let's just say I channeled my inner Emmanuelle Alt for the night. 

While waiting, he was already drinking whisky which I thought was rather cool. I, on the other hand, ordered my favorite drink, ice cold beer, because I wanted to just be me. As our conversation progressed, it became apparent how opposite we were. I already had this inkling knowing he's from a rich, prestigious university. He was smart, funny, and detached. I was me: bubbly, eager, and into the conversation, perhaps a little too much for my own good. I promised myself not to become an emotional slut.

The conversation was flowing pretty nicely. I was enjoying myself, and I only wish he was too. However, I got the feeling he was already impatient. I realized then the "drinks" was just a stall for the casual sex. It's ironic how good the conversation was yet I felt he wasn't at all interested in getting to know me. I was the one eager to get to know him. That goes to show I'm a real novice at this.

By the time we got to my shabby place, I already had cold feet. The night ended with me walking him to his car. We kissed. It was a great kiss (for me, at least). So great I was about to change my mind. But I went with my gut and said goodbye. I do regret not doing it. If only I felt just a wee bit of attraction from him, the night would have ended differently.