mindy's book

"I got a callback for a dance audition. I had never danced in my life and did not know what to wear. I went to a dance clothing surplus outlet in Chelsea I'd seen ads for in the PennySaver. Their stuff was discounted because it was irregular, which means the colors were weird or some buttons were off. I bought brown tights, a sleeveless pink leotard, and a white iridescent skirt that wrapped around my waist and was fastened with Velcro. I capped off the entire look with some traditional pink ballet slippers. In the communal mirror of the dressing room of that surplus store, a young Asian girl trying on ballet clothes with her mom said, "Mommy, you should dress like that," referring to me. The mom hushed her in an Asian language. This sealed the deal. I had never felt more graceful in my life.

At the audition, I looked like a fucking idiot. The other girls were all dressed in versions of what actual dancers wear: low-key black leggings, a tank top, and sneakers. I looked like the children's birthday party performer playing Angelina Ballerina, the ballet-dancing mouse. A Kevin Federline-looking choreographer taught us an incredibly complicated Bollywood dance routine, which we then had to perform on tape. I stumbled through it like a groggy teamster who had wandered into the wrong room backstage, breathing heavily and vaguely hitting my marks. KFed stopped me before the song was done and kindly asked if I needed some water. I laughed because, as everyone knows, laughing is a great way to disguise heavy breathing. I then exited on the pretense of getting a drink, and quickly left the building. It remains the single most embarrassing performance of my life, and it's on tape somewhere. I like to think Andrew Lloyd Webber watches it whenever he's feeling down."

I just finished reading Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me. It feels like reading an extended version of a funny blog. The excerpt above had me laughing so hard I couldn't finish my morning shit. I was reading the book in the bathroom. TMI? Hahaha. Seriously though, if you're looking for a pick-me-up book, or something that resembles a feel-good-movie, this is it. Although I did not find the entire book to be laugh-out-loud funny, there were certainly some highlights, like the one above, that had me rolling on the floor for a good 5 minutes. 

However, the best thing about Mindy Kaling's book is that it gives you a lot of ideas for future blog posts. She writes about her childhood, her parents, her struggling years in New York, and a whole lot of lists of things including what she considers the funniest tv/movie moments of all time and random things she cries about. The chapter entitled "Non-Traumatic Things That Have Made Me Cry" is probably my favorite part of this book. I can easily relate to Mindy's lists. I, too, am one of those people who cry five times a week for no reason at all. I just do. Take a look at her list and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Valet guys who are my dad's age 

Me too. Everytime I see someone who is around the same age as my dad, I imagine it's him and it makes me ache a little or a whole lot, actually, especially if they are still working at their old age.

The Album Graceland

Me too. Not necessarily The Graceland (although I'm elated because I know this album due to my recent obsession with Simon and Garfunkel's history. I love it when I recognize things; it makes me feel so knowledgeable), but I've cried multiple times listening to Andrea Bocelli's voice on youtube. And the same goes for Tori Amos' Winter live version and the mellow tunes of old songs especially those of The Brothers Four. In Mindy's words, these songs take her back to childhood happiness. I feel you, Mindy.

Depressing zeitgeisty magazine articles about relationships

One particular instance was when I found myself crying and reading a post in the New York Times about a single 40-year-old woman who has written a four-page article about not finding The One. Seriously? I know it's kind of embarrassing. The author was trying to convince her readers that she's fine with being single and that it doesn't mean you're alone blah blah blah, but all through out the article I can sense how much she wants to be with someone. Worse, the comments from male readers ostracize her pretense. It was depressing.

Mark Darcy

I don't cry for Mark Darcy, I cry for Guillaume Canet's character in Last Night and Ryan Gosling's in Blue Valentine. Hard. My roommate would be elated to read Mindy Kaling's ode to Mark Darcy because she, too, loves Colin Firth like a husband.

Joni Mitchell's Blue

Tori Amos and Stevie Nicks. I was smiling deliriously upon reading Mindy Kaling's words on how she cries to the song "Landslide", especially the lyric: "I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you." I feel like a child screaming "Me too. Me too." I agree, Landslide is a song that makes you feel like a tired old woman but wiser, more mature, and ready to face life. But at the end of the day, you are the tired old woman.

If my mom cries

If my parents cry. Probably the most heartbreaking thing is to hear the disappointment in their voice, that's the hardest thing for me.

Wow. Did I just say this is a funny book? It is. I swear. I just got carried away with Mindy's love for lists and my love for crying just for the heck of it.