advice from the graying edge

Earlier today I had an "Aha!" moment because of this article.

I'm not sure what the hell happened, but I've been thinking a lot about life and death lately (not in a creepy kind of way lol) since I finished watching Revolutionary Road. (Btw, I am totally joining the Kate and Leo bandwagon. Such phenomenal actors) Oh well, who am I kidding, I always think about life especially if you have all the time in the world to think. Welcome to my world.

This article from the New York Times entitled "Advice From Life's Graying Edge On Finishing With No Regrets", written by Jane E. Brody, is quite timely for my daily uphill climb. There's nothing really revolutionary about it, but it's a very good read to keep present and future goals in perspective. It's a summary of the most common and prevalent advice from the elderly, mostly in their 70s and 80s, who took part in a survey for the book entitled "30 Lessons For Living." Brody's introduction, summary, and conclusion were on-point, succinct, and insightful. I particularly like the advice on Career, Marriage, Regrets, and Happiness.

"ON MARRIAGE A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic values and goals. Although romantic love initially brings most couples together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the institution of marriage as well as to each other.

An 89-year-old woman who was glad she stayed in her marriage even though her young husband’s behavior was adversely affected by his military service said, “Too many young people now are giving up too early, too soon.”

ON CAREERS Not one person in a thousand said that happiness accrued from working as hard as you can to make money to buy whatever you want. Rather, the near-universal view was summed up by an 83-year-old former athlete who worked for decades as an athletic coach and recruiter: “The most important thing is to be involved in a profession that you absolutely love, and that you look forward to going to work to every day.”

Although it can take a while to land that ideal job, you should not give up looking for one that makes you happy. Meanwhile, if you’re stuck in a bad job, try to make the most of it until you can move on. And keep in mind that a promotion may be flattering and lucrative but not worth it if it takes you away from what you most enjoy doing.

ON REGRETS “Always be honest” was the elders’ advice to avoid late-in-life remorse. Take advantage of opportunities and embrace new challenges. And travel more when you’re young rather than wait until the children are grown or you are retired.

As Dr. Pillemer summarized the elders’ view, “Travel is so rewarding that it should take precedence over other things younger people spend money on.” Create a bucket list now and start whittling it down.

ON HAPPINESS Almost to a person, the elders viewed happiness as a choice, not the result of how life treats you.

A 75-year-old man said, “You are not responsible for all the things that happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and your reactions to them.” An 84-year-old said, “Adopt a policy of being joyful.”

The 90-year-old daughter of divorced parents who had lived a hardscrabble life said, “I learned to be grateful for what I have, and no longer bemoan what I don’t have or can’t do.”

Even if their lives were nine decades long, the elders saw life as too short to waste on pessimism, boredom and disillusionment."

And somehow I managed to find myself here as well.